9 Epic Sex Fails That Made Love Hurt - Literally!

We all get used to the occasional bruise, scratch and cramp when it comes to having a good time in the bedroom. They say ‘Love Hurts,’ but sometimes sex lands lovers in A&E. Prepare to cringe and crack up after reading these true, naughty stories. Rubber ball stuck where the sun doesn’t shine anyone? Behold, the wildest sex fails we’ve ever heard.

Wall-Breaking Sex

When a 440lb virgin decided to take things to the next level with his 110lb lover, things tragically ended with him accidentally driving her head right through the room’s sheet-rock wall. The two went to hospital where the female was ultimately told by doctors that she had a concussion. The couple stayed together for a few months after the incident, but have since called it quits.

Safety First

A doctor in india was mystified when a female patient complained of having a serious cough, runny nose and fever for over half a year. She’d been put on various medications, but nothing seemed to help. So, fearing the worst, they ran some hospital tests…and realised she had a condom lodged inside her lungs. Apparently, she’d inhaled it during an ‘act of love’, without actually realising it (how does this happen?). But hey, at least she was having safe sex.

Heart-Stoppingly Good Sex

A young guy and his girlfriend decided to get it on in his grandmother’s basement while she was out of the house. They grabbed a tube of what they thought was lubricant from her well-stocked medicine cabinet. Unfortunately it was nitroglycerin paste, a heart drug that can cause a potentially fatal drop in blood pressure. When Grandma came home, she found the couple unconscious, buck naked, and lying in a rather saucy position. An ambulance was called and they eventually came to after being given oxygen and fluids. So all ended well…other than the look on Grandma’s face!

A Hard Act to Follow

A 20-year-old man - reportedly healthy and sober at the time - was hospitalised with complaints of severe rectal discomfort. A digital examination revealed a hard, stone-like mass, and the patient soon admitted he’d been fooling around with his partner and they had decided to pour concrete mix into…erm…you know where. The concrete was removed and the patient discharged the following day. Moral of the story: don’t…just don’t —well, unless you require a statue for your mantelpiece that will be a feature of intrigue and horror for future house guests.

Not-So-Good Vibrations

Oh those naughty knickers hey! A 33-year-old Welsh housewife was reported to have passed out at a supermarket. The reason? She had been ‘overcome’ by the vibrations of a pair of Naughty Passion Pants she was wearing underneath her clothes. she collapsed against some shelves and banged her head. As she lay there, spectators reportedly could hear the undies still buzzing.

Just…Ouch!

Men with slightly small appendages — just be grateful for what you’ve got. One Malaysian man thought his wasn’t big enough and decided to take drastic action. His solution? Stick his dingaling into a welding nut and try to stretch it. Sadly, he got stuck, Forcing doctors to remove the top layer of penis skin to free it. Yikes!

Definitely the Wrong Tool for the Job

A couple in America decided to ramp up their vibrator by attaching it to a power tool. An electric saw in fact! Ooooooooh nooooooo! The woman had to be rushed to hospital after it cut clean through the plastic toy. Thankfully she made a full recovery and would be unlikely to try that again.

Gotta Have Some Hot Stuff

Ever heard about drunken idiots snorting chilli? We definitely do not recommend doing this, but apparently the burning sensation is painfully intense due to the sensitive skin on the inside of your nose, called mucous membrane, which also lines your lips, ears and…wait for it… the genitals! Well one couple inadvertently spiced up their sex life when the man came home from a night out eating spicy, hot food and then engaged in saucy bedroom antics with his lady, only to accidentally burn her sensitive parts with his tongue.

What’s Up Doc?

A young couple rushed to hospital with this story: During sex the woman had grabbed a medium-sized rubber ball and inserted it into her man’s back door. The ball had become lodged so high in his rectum that they couldn’t get it out. It turned out that the doctor could not either! The doctor paged a surgeon, but whilst waiting for him to arrive, the man began coughing. The ball came flying out of his butt with enough velocity to ping around the room and hit the surgeon right in the forehead just as he came through the door. (I don’t know about anyone else but this one totally cracks me up!)

Most sexual activity ‘comes’ with the risk of something going wrong. Yep, you read that right, there is no such thing as having perfect sex. Just don’t go to these extremes hey folks. Have you ever had a sex-related injury? Tell us about it in the comments.

Sex From A Porn Star's Point Of View

Porn is everywhere, there’s no getting away from that and it will most likely always be around. A lot of people try to emulate their sex lives on what they’ve seen in these adult cinematic pieces but what they don’t see is the not-so-glamorous behind the scenes where the men need to top up on viagra to keep themselves going or where a star suffers from anal prolapse after too much anal (google image search it..don’t be eating anything whilst you do). Bottom line is what you see after the cuts and necessary edits have been made to the porn movies is not realistic. Porn stars are rather open about this and have given their two cents on sex based on their varied sexual experience.

More Than A Genital Connection

Adam Glasser a.k.a. Seymore Butts has divulged his opinion to the foundations of an enviably fantastic sex life as communicating what you want with your partner/s and listening to what they want also. Even sexy starlet Lisa-Ann says the best sex she ever had was with someone she connected with, this is all about communication and feeling comfortable with someone. Without that it’s merely physical but there’s the difference between mediocre and red-hot sex, the psychological aspect.

Porn Is Plastic Sex

James Deen opened up even further about the less than real world of porn with brutal honesty that the awkward positions, long-haul sex sessions and looking fantastic during sex. (If you look not a hair out of place during sex then you’re doing it wrong!) Extremely successful Jessica Drake has created her own DVD series educating every day people on fantastic sex. During the series she gives some brilliant and advice like switching between foreplay and intercourse along keeping your clothes on for sex.

Scrub Up

Tasha Reign has a real bug-bear, uncleanliness! According to her, you don’t need to be absolutely immaculate but unsightly body hair should be removed or trimmed, all areas of the body should be thoroughly washed and for her smell is extremely important so don’t wear anything overwhelming that’s gonna have them choking as they try to get close to you but something demure that gives off a more demure but sensuous scent.

So there you have it, this advice all sounds fairly standard because porn stars are also normal people and all say the same thing - porn is not an ideal view of sex, it’s just something to help fulfill an urge now and again but never base your sex life on it.

8 Reasons Why Casual Sex Can't Be Bad - It's Just too Good!

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It Feels Good

Sex feels good. And when you feel good, you feel happier, right? If you feel like having sex, and the opportunity presents itself, why not? Sometimes we really don't need a reason for something other than we want to because we like it. And that's okay! You don't need to prove yourself to anyone.

It's Physically Good For You

There are a lot of reasons sex and orgasms are actually good for your health. Having orgasms can keep your body healthy, give you glowing skin, and make you feel better, among other things. Orgasms can even give your brain a workout!

Practice Makes Perfect

Want to be better at sex? Well then you have to have sex, silly! When it comes to fooling around, the best way to work on your skills is to actually do, not just read or talk about it. Have a little casual sex in order to become good at it, so that when you find the person you want to be in a relationship with, you'll shock them with how amazing you are!

It Doesn't Mean You're Trashy

If your reason for not participating in a casual hookup is because you don't want people to judge you or label you as trashy... that's a silly reason. Fooling around with someone you're not dating does NOT make you less of a person. Also, you should never let what other people think stop you from doing what you want.

You Should Be Experimenting

There's nothing wrong with trying new things (and new people) to find out what you like and don't like when it comes to fooling around. Experimenting is really important. If you don't do it, you'll never learn what really gets you going... and that's important to have a great sex life.

It Will Make You Feel Relaxed

One of the other health benefits of sex? Having an orgasm makes you less stressed. So, if you're feeling really wound up lately, try having a little sexual fun so that you can feel more relaxed. Of course, casual sex will only leave you feeling relaxed if you really didn't mind that it was casual, so keep that in mind.

You Should Explore Your Sexuality

Exploring your sexuality is similar to experimenting - it's really important! Hooking up is one of the best ways to do that, because it lets you try different things without any of the emotional attachment that might make things awkward or messy.

It's Fun!

Again, this really isn't something you need to justify to anyone. Sex can be really fun if you're with the right person, and maybe you need a night of casual fun. If so, go for it! Just don't forget: use protection!

Why are you still here? Get busy, People! It’s good for you!

Women’s 7 Deadly Dating Sins: Bitching

      By bitching we don’t necessarily mean the really hardcore bitching girls might engage in after being really hurt or annoyed by someone – we simply mean the small scale bitching, the kind that it is easy to engage in without really knowing it. Some men are really happy to go along with a bit of light bitching – in fact most men will do this if they recognise that the tone is light-hearted. That way the two of you have something to make a joke out of and to make your own on your date.

However, the constant small scale bitching that some girls unfortunately end up doing can be a major turn-off. It suggests that here is a woman who cannot be pleased. It suggests that here is a woman who will bitch about his date too when his back is turned. If you are going to bitch a little, be aware of how far you take it and never target your family, your close friends or your ex-boyfriends. Try and keep the bitching to little jokes about the people who don’t matter so much to you and always follow it with something positive. A lot of men wouldn’t say a bad word about their own family, friends or ex-girlfriends, so take a leaf out of their book.

Ultimate Pegging Pleasure? - We Have the Recipe for Success

While anal play is by no means a new practice, the number of straight men harbouring desires to be on the receiving end has become much more commonplace. So, by popular demand (fanfare please) we present our Recipe for Successful Pegging for Newbies.

What is Pegging?

Nothing to do with laundry, pegging is the practice of a heterosexual male being anally penetrated by a woman wearing a strap-on dildo. This became a popular notion in 1998 when Sex Educator, Carol Queen made the video dvd ‘Bend Over Boyfriend. The term ‘pegging’ came to be when sex columnist, Dan Savage, held a contest in 2001 asking his readers to coin a phrase for the practice.

Preheat the Oven

There a several things to consider when thinking about exploring pegging. Its good to start slow. Before investing in a harness and dildo, experimenting with fingers, small butt plugs or small prostate stimulators can help both parties discover what they like and don’t like about anal play.

The Shopping List

When you feel ready to move to strap-on sex, choosing the right harness and dildo are very important and can make all the difference to your level of enjoyment. If a harness fits incorrectly, it can make penetration awkward —perhaps even a no go. If you get overexcited and choose a dildo that is too gargantuan, it can make the experience quite unpleasant if you are a beginner.

Mix the Ingredients

Try to find an affordable but higher quality harness that can worn as either a one-strap or two-strap style so you can choose what is most comfortable. Try also to find one with a removable backing pad for stability. When it comes to choosing your weapon of choice, look for a dildo that is smooth with no distinct ridges so penetration will be smooth and more comfortable. You can always try out those deliciously pleasurable ridges once you are a veteran. Oooh! Don’t forget the most vital ingredients of all — communication and lubrication!

Decorate to Taste

Some couples also want to try double dildos, which have one end that is worn internally by the lady-friend, while the other end stands ready to penetrate their excited pegging partner. Some also have vibrators in that can stimulate the wearer. A perfect ‘double ender’ for pegging newbies would be one with a large wearable bulb that can be inserted vaginally on one end, and a finger-sized dido at the other.

And Serve….Right in the Butt!

No calories and totally indulgent. If this article has intrigued you to investigate further, get online and check out the horde of perennial bestselling books that cover every type of anal play imaginable, including pegging.

Going for Gold - 5 Ways to Dirty Talk Your Lover to the Finish Line

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When we’re getting sexy, we’re all about taking the seduction and anticipation up a few notches, and talking dirty can be a route to whole new level of excitement.

Dirty talk can get both of you hotter than ever, but it can also lead to confusion, missed signals, and awkwardness— meaning we have to tread carefully. When it comes to talking dirty, you’re really addressing one thing: how much can you get away with?

Most people err on the side of caution, possibly leading to boring, platonic, sanitised conversations destined never to lead to an orgasm—or even an elevated heart rate. On the other hand, some people are so brazen, they turn off the majority of people they’re trying to turn on. The secret is to push the boundaries of what you can get away with without crossing them…well…by too much anyway, hehehe!

The foundation for good (and fun) dirty talk is the same as other components of a healthy sexual relationship—good communication with your partner and being up front about what you like.

Now go for Gold with these five tips.

1. Training

Talking about Dirty Sanchezing her bearded clam or using red flag words is a bit of a no-no. Word choice matters. Don’t be unnecessarily clinical or explicit; nothing is going to make a guy softer (or a girl drier) than talking about volumetric blood flow to the genital region. Do be descriptive. Details make stories come to life, and essentially, talking dirty is all about details.

2. On Your Marks

Learn some new dirty words —erotic fiction is a pretty good place to find new words to add to sexy times; porn videos tend to be a bit short on good or realistic dialogue.

3. Get Set

Like with anything, when and how you do it matters. Do be humorous, but strike a balance. If you’re too serious, it’s creepy. If you’re too funny, you’re a clown. Don’t incorporate dirty talk too early—such as to a total stranger or someone who hasn’t given you signs that he or she is open to it. Subtlety, word play and cleverness go a long way. But don’t force it. You should talk dirty because you’re in the mood and feeling it—not because someone told you to do it. It has to have some passion behind it. While you are at it, be aware of the other person’s response to your dirty talk. If the person you’re with gives you a red light, respect it.

4. Go, Go, Go

Talk about how he tastes, how she’s the perfect dirty girl—be specific. Don’t freak out if your partner tries dirty talk without the pre-conversation and you don’t like it—just talk about it, regroup and get it on.

5. Across the Finish Line

If you are in the heat of passion and land upon a phrase that turns them on, simply repeating it can give it a great sexual intensity. Even something as simple as “Don’t stop! Don’t stop! Don’t stop!” can make you sound crazy for them.

Now get those tongues wagging people!

Will These 4 Products REALLY Enhance My Sex Life and Yours?

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When researching articles and other content, my internet history is obviously a bit crazy. I keep giggling more and more at the advertising that gets thrown at me for specialist products promising to change my sex life for the better. These are the ones that made me laugh the most, complete with new and honest descriptions for them.

Vajazzle

Ever get depressed because your vulva resembles a human sex organ instead of a disco ball? So demoralising. But there's hope! Just reach for Vajazzle Body Crystals. Shave, glue, set it, and forget it! (Note: "Forget it" means "Forget it until a week later, when you'll find vagina-crystals in the kitchen sink, between your butt cheeks, and on your sofa.”)

Deep Throat Spray

Hate it when you've just eaten some garlic hummus, and desperately need a breath mint, but also need to deep throat a huge cock? Worry no more; Comfortably Numb Deep Throat Spray is here to solve both of those oddly specific problems, while simultaneously evoking the ethereal sounds of Pink Floyd. It's the minty fresh way to paralyse normal human reflexes! For those special evenings when you want to forget you're choking on ball sack.

Erectile Quality Monitor

Ladies, do you ever have mutually-satisfying sex, but then balk at telling your friends, "He was sooo hard!" because you don't have any real way to quantify penile hardness? Don't worry, the Fast Size Erectile Quality Monitor is here to help. Just push your guy's member against the super-scientific pressure sensor, wait for his dick to bend, and and check the results; an LED light indicator will tell you how he sizes up. For added fun, use with a colour-coded calendar so you can chart your lover's progress!

Internal Feminine Flavouring

For those special days when you don't want your genitals to taste like...erm...genitals! Whenever you're afraid of a little morning breath coming from downstairs, pop in the mintiest, freshest way to make sure he'll want to go down on you. It's like toothpaste for your labia! Essential for those moments when you don't have time for a shower but still want to be intimate with a man who despises the natural taste of your body.

Has anyone else come across any other crazy products promising you a better time in the bedroom? Did you buy them and did they work? Share with us in the comments.

5 Reasons Why Sexy Spooning Leads to Forking!

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Everyone loves a good spoon. This position is great for sleeping and watching TV, as well as for post-coital recovery time. But it’s not just about cuddling. Spooning is incredibly intimate and an easy way of spicing up your sex life. It's the perfect cure for morning wood – just roll over, insert, feel connected and come!

Why Spoons though?

The name derives from the position two partners will lie in relation to one another, both laying down on their sides with one person - the small spoon - facing away, and the other - the big spoon - cuddling into their back. Their legs are usually bent at their knees, like spoons cradling each other when stacked in a drawer

Surprise Spoon

Of course spooning can start as a comfortable position to relax or sleep in, but it can also bring the added benefits of leading to something sexier...! For instance you can easily surprise your partner first thing in the morning with some wake up sex by slipping it in using the spooning position.

Ease Into It

If you’re trying to get into anal and want to ease your partner into things gently, the spooning position is great! This is due to the muscles around the anus being more relaxed due to the body’s rested position as opposed to a position such as doggy where they’re upright and need to support their weight.

Access all Areas

 

Spooning is great for easy access should you fancy getting a little ‘hands on’ in foreplay, as you can reach their chest, genitals, anus, pretty much everywhere! How about giving them a massage they will never forget using the spooning position, use some baby oil or massage candle wax to slick yourselves up and rub your bodies against one another as you work their entire body with your hands.

All the Stimulation You Can Handle

Sex toys can be easily taken advantage of in a position like this, imagine wandering hands, a butt plug and vibrator all at once thanks to the spooning position as your partner’s body is accessible to exploration, and if you’re behind them you have every area imaginable within your reach.

So next time you’re brainstorming what position to try next, or what kinky things you can explore, it could be as simple as some sensual inspiration from a little piece of cutlery. Spooning leads to forking after all! ;-)

On your marks, get set...spoon!