When researching articles and other content, my internet history is obviously a bit crazy. I keep giggling more and more at the advertising that gets thrown at me for specialist products promising to change my sex life for the better. These are the ones that made me laugh the most, complete with new and honest descriptions for them.
Vajazzle
Ever get depressed because your vulva resembles a human sex organ instead of a disco ball? So demoralising. But there's hope! Just reach for Vajazzle Body Crystals. Shave, glue, set it, and forget it! (Note: "Forget it" means "Forget it until a week later, when you'll find vagina-crystals in the kitchen sink, between your butt cheeks, and on your sofa.”)
Deep Throat Spray
Hate it when you've just eaten some garlic hummus, and desperately need a breath mint, but also need to deep throat a huge cock? Worry no more; Comfortably Numb Deep Throat Spray is here to solve both of those oddly specific problems, while simultaneously evoking the ethereal sounds of Pink Floyd. It's the minty fresh way to paralyse normal human reflexes! For those special evenings when you want to forget you're choking on ball sack.
Erectile Quality Monitor
Ladies, do you ever have mutually-satisfying sex, but then balk at telling your friends, "He was sooo hard!" because you don't have any real way to quantify penile hardness? Don't worry, the Fast Size Erectile Quality Monitor is here to help. Just push your guy's member against the super-scientific pressure sensor, wait for his dick to bend, and and check the results; an LED light indicator will tell you how he sizes up. For added fun, use with a colour-coded calendar so you can chart your lover's progress!
Internal Feminine Flavouring
For those special days when you don't want your genitals to taste like...erm...genitals! Whenever you're afraid of a little morning breath coming from downstairs, pop in the mintiest, freshest way to make sure he'll want to go down on you. It's like toothpaste for your labia! Essential for those moments when you don't have time for a shower but still want to be intimate with a man who despises the natural taste of your body.
Has anyone else come across any other crazy products promising you a better time in the bedroom? Did you buy them and did they work? Share with us in the comments.
Everyone loves a good spoon. This position is great for sleeping and watching TV, as well as for post-coital recovery time. But it’s not just about cuddling. Spooning is incredibly intimate and an easy way of spicing up your sex life. It's the perfect cure for morning wood – just roll over, insert, feel connected and come!
Why Spoons though?
The name derives from the position two partners will lie in relation to one another, both laying down on their sides with one person - the small spoon - facing away, and the other - the big spoon - cuddling into their back. Their legs are usually bent at their knees, like spoons cradling each other when stacked in a drawer
Surprise Spoon
Of course spooning can start as a comfortable position to relax or sleep in, but it can also bring the added benefits of leading to something sexier...! For instance you can easily surprise your partner first thing in the morning with some wake up sex by slipping it in using the spooning position.
Ease Into It
If you’re trying to get into anal and want to ease your partner into things gently, the spooning position is great! This is due to the muscles around the anus being more relaxed due to the body’s rested position as opposed to a position such as doggy where they’re upright and need to support their weight.
Access all Areas
Spooning is great for easy access should you fancy getting a little ‘hands on’ in foreplay, as you can reach their chest, genitals, anus, pretty much everywhere! How about giving them a massage they will never forget using the spooning position, use some baby oil or massage candle wax to slick yourselves up and rub your bodies against one another as you work their entire body with your hands.
All the Stimulation You Can Handle
Sex toys can be easily taken advantage of in a position like this, imagine wandering hands, a butt plug and vibrator all at once thanks to the spooning position as your partner’s body is accessible to exploration, and if you’re behind them you have every area imaginable within your reach.
So next time you’re brainstorming what position to try next, or what kinky things you can explore, it could be as simple as some sensual inspiration from a little piece of cutlery. Spooning leads to forking after all! ;-)
The lifestyle is many different things to many different people. What they share is a fascination with the erotic experience and the pursuit of sexual enjoyment. There are three major categories of swingers: couples, single females and single males. Couples are the foundation of the lifestyle. Single females are comparatively rare.
Not surprisingly, single males are plentiful. A constant new supply of horny men assures that it will stay that way. But what does it take for a single man pursuing the lifestyle to be successful? People in the lifestyle meet many different ways. The most popular venues are through swinger clubs, private parties and websites. For the aspiring single male, clubs and websites are the main vehicles -- since it's pretty hard for a newcomer to get invited to a private party.
Gentlemen's Guide to Successful Swinging.
1. On the site the same members visit again and again and get to know each other quite well. If you insult or offend one couple, the word will quickly spread to others. Alternatively, if you are pleasant and the couple enjoys your company - sexual or otherwise - they will be eager to introduce you to their friends. Of course, swingers like to introduce people with unique sexual qualities to their friends. But don't walk around saying you've got a 12-inch penis, even if you do. If you really do, everyone already knows it.
2. Get to know the lifestyle, the expectations and the realities. Keep in mind that most people you meet are on the site for the same reasons you are. Most swingers aren't out there cheating on their spouse. They're open about what they do, and about what they like to do. Don't think you are going to fall in love, or that you're going to sweep a lady off her feet and away from her husband. Come to have a good time and make some new friends. To be successful in the long run, you need to be the nice guy that's been seen with other couples, not the weird guy that's running from chat room to chat room trying to score. Just about all couples have a set of rules by which they play, and they vary little from those rules. Don't try to change them. You'll fail.
3. Be a gentleman and as upfront as you can. Just because a woman likes sex doesn't mean she likes vulgar language or innuendoes. Good manners and social skills are more important in this lifestyle than just about anywhere else. Leave the pickup lines at home. Ladies in the lifestyle are adults and are not into head-games. They have already heard every line in the book. Again, in the case of couples, introduce yourself to both husband and wife.
4. Just because you talk with someone doesn’t mean that they want to have sex with you. Don't get too aggressive unless you get the clear message that it's OK. When (and if) you get that message, go with it, just don't go overboard. You can even ask again" Is this okay?"
5. Never be desperate enough to insult a member's intelligence with the statement, "My wife wanted me to come here first by myself to check it out, so I'll come back with her next time. How about you and I play now." Every swinger has heard that line over and over again and you will get a reputation.
6. If someone says NO, that's all there is to it. Don't ask them, "Why not?" or "Are you sure -- I'm the greatest lover in the world?" Actually this is the GOLDEN RULE..... The most important rule of the lifestyle is NO MEANS NO.
The successful single male in the swinging lifestyle is non-threatening to the female spouse's virility. He's happy to be sharing in the encounter and he doesn't try to monopolise it. He is also a friend of BOTH spouses and treats both with respect. If you follow these guidelines, you should have a great time and make lots of new, very sexy friends.
A recent study by the US Journal of Marital and Family Therapy showed that 57% of men and 54% of women admit to cheating at least once. We just need to look to the recent Ashley Madison hack—a website that facilitates 'discrete' affairs—and the bevy of celebrity divorces spurred by another incident with a nanny (hiring a hot nanny—never a good idea!) to know this to be true.
You scan the headlines and think one of two things: "If this ever happened to me, I'd leave my partner faster than you can say 'child support'", or, "Thank God that would never happen in my relationship." Until one day, out of nowhere, it does. You read a mysterious text, stumble on a suspicious Facebook conversation, or worse yet, walk into a horrible naked situation where you're the only one with clothes on.
No matter how it happens, finding out your partner has cheated on you is a devastating, earth-shattering, life-changing event. Your emotional state is like a blizzard: seemingly calm one moment, then wanting to throw the contents of the closet over the balcony and burn them in the yard the next. You battle anger, betrayal, sadness and deep, excruciating pain. And then more anger. The bottom has dropped out of your life as you know it. And you have a decision to make:
Should I stay, or should I go? Despite the broken trust, and even though you swore you'd never stay with a cheater, you realize you still love your partner, who admits to the atrocities, promises to end it immediately and wants to work it out. And so do you.
So what happens next? How do you start to forgive and move down the long road of rebuilding trust? Is it possible to ever go back to how things were? The truth is, it isn't. If you make the decision to stay with your partner, you can never get back to the pre-affair innocence. But the good news is that it IS possible to recover and come back stronger than ever.
First, talk it out. You're going to have a lot of questions. Write them down if you have to. You're allowed to ask about any detail you want to know, and your partner should be willing to answer every one. This may seem counterintuitive—how are you ever going to get the painfully specific image of him and his mistress on a beach in St. Tropez out of your mind? But honesty heals. In one study of 1,083 betrayed husbands and wives, those whose partners were the most honest felt better emotionally and reconciled more completely. But before asking your questions, ask yourself: do you really want to know her dress size? If she's got different colored hair to you? How many orgasms she had? If the answer is yes, ask away. But be wary of using details to cause yourself more pain. It's best to set a limit on the time you spend talking about the affair each time, usually 15 to 30 minutes at most.
Then, work on it. You've raged. You've cried. You've thrown things. Now it's time to heal. With the help of a professional, try to address the core issues that led to cheating. Couples and individual therapy for both parties is recommended. This isn't something you want to think about in the early days after finding out, but when you're ready, go there. It's likely that one or both of you had a breakdown in communication long before the affair. If you've decided to stay, you'll want to know the answer to why. Learning to communicate will help to prevent this from ever happening again.
Remember, recovering from an affair is not a one-size-fits-all process. It takes whatever it takes. After therapy and open communication, you'll start to feel better. You'll have moments you don't even think about the affair. (Perhaps while you're sleeping.) But then you'll wake up and remember and want to run your partner over. The hurt can feel as fresh and deep as ever. This is a normal part of grief! It's a process, not a recipe to get right. Be patient with yourself. You'll probably want revenge. But the most important emotion to work through is resentment. This one's a real killer. If you've chosen to stay, punishing your partner will end up doing more harm to your relationship. The road to forgiveness is a long one, so be gentle with yourself. Go at your own pace. You get to reestablish what is important in your relationship. What your needs are. What the rules are. And you both get to play by them.
Lastly, reframe your mindset. Instead of seeing an affair as the death of the relationship, try to think of it as a rebirth. Hopefully, you'll move through this time having gained a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner. Take this as an opportunity to connect with friends and family. Belonging to a community outside of your relationship will help you feel loved and less isolated. A time when the affair doesn't consume your thoughts may seem far away, but it doesn't have to be. Start dating each other again. Set aside time to do fun things, and then do each other. If you're both willing to do the work, you may be surprised by how much stronger and deeper your relationship can become.
Dr. Emily Morse is a sex and relationship expert with degrees in human sexuality and psychology. She runs the popular website sexwithemily.com and is the host of the top downloaded podcast Sex with Emily.
In her new book You Probably Shouldn't Write That: Tips and Tricks for Creating an Online Dating Profile That Doesn't Suck, Lisa Hoehn of ProfilePolish.com outlines the mistakes you don't even realize you're making and offers step-by-step guidance to crafting a digital dating presence that will get you exactly what you're looking for. Here, an excerpt of 23 "don't's" to keep out of your "about me" section.
1) Insult any group of people. Because then you're an as*hole.
2) Refer to a woman as a girl. Because you might be perceived as sexist.
3) Talk about the zombie apocalypse. Because it ain't gonna happen, and the fad is over.
4) Use hashtags. Because they're best left to Twitter and Instagram.
5) Include external links. Because then you're putting extra work on your prospective match.
6) Mention your ex. Because then you're not over him or her.
7) Reference a "new beginning" or a "fresh start" or "getting back on your feet."Because then you have baggage.
8) Use "etc." at the end of a list of your interests. Because it's not informative in any way.
9) Double space between sentences. Because it makes you look as outdated with technology as you are.
10) Refer to your readers as "you" (unless a prompt set it up that way). Because it's creepy.
11) End! Every! Or every other! Sentence! With an exclamation point!! Because overeager is just as unattractive as apathetic.
12) Make cheesy, corny, romantic statements. Because it's...well, cheesy and corny.
13) Fill your profile with rhetorical questions. Because one is enough.
14) Use the phrase, "just like everyone else." Because you're not.
15) Employ lists in every section or paragraph. Because too many are boring to read and don't give enough detail.
16) Write, "My friends say that I'm..." Because you're more self-aware and confident than that.
17) Make blatantly sexual references. Because it's gross and conveys the wrong message.
18) TYPE IN ALL CAPS. Because you're not yelling.
19) Mention your student (or any) debt—or talk explicitly about money at all.Because it's too personal.
20) Reveal details of your medical history. 'Nuff said.
21) Use more than one emoticon :). Because you should be able to use your words, not punctuation, to convey your mood.
22) Wax poetic about...anything. Because no one cares.
23) Say that you're looking for a "drama-free" relationship. Because you've clearly been part of a drama-filled relationship.
The number one thing the guys polled think a woman might lie about on her online dating profile is her looks. I am using "looks" as an umbrella term here that covers everything from your height to your weight to your body type to you using a photo of yourself from five years ago. Also, please note that a picture of just your face tells us that you either don't have a nice body or you don't like the body you have. Be confident enough to show your full form.
Your Age
"I've definitely gone out with women who say they're 25 but are actually 29," said Eddie. Sometimes a woman may change her age to initially attract a man, but it's such a silly lie to chose; was Eddie's date going to pretend to be four years younger for the rest of their relationship? Since so many men have had this experience, don't be surprised if a guys casually glances at your drivers license when the bouncer asks for it at the door.
That You LOVE to Travel
Many women will put that they "LOVE to travel" even if they haven't gone on any real trips or vacations in three years. I don't recommend saying this on your profile because a) everyone says it so you don't stand out from the crowd at all and b) even if you do love to travel, if you haven't lately it might get real awkward real quick when he starts grilling you about all your recent vacations.
The Amount of Time You Spend at the Gym
One of the gentlemen I reached out to, Dave, told me, "I think women will exaggerate the amount or frequency of exercise they do." A woman may want to show off how important it is to her that she takes good care of her body, but if you list that you go to the gym every single day a guy may think you're exaggerating.
That Impressive Book/TV Show/Movie You Mentioned
One person I reached out to, Sam, said, "I think women will leave off interests that might be considered too girly or immature—any kind of guilty pleasure TV show or magazine, etc. and try to list more intellectual things like books they've read, even if said book was required in high school ten years ago." If you love Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man, put it on the profile, but don't be surprised if your date expects you to actually remember it in detail.
Your Level of Independence
Lots of pictures with you and the girls is nice, but when a woman keeps posting about being fiercely independent and not at all clingy on her dating profile a fella might raise an eyebrow and grow suspicious. It's a bit like saying "don't think of a pink elephant." Why bring it up if you don't want a guy's mind to go straight there?
How Easy Going You Are
Similarly, when a woman says how she is a laid back, easy going, go-with-the-flow sort of person a man may begin to question if, in reality, she is actually very sensitive/easy to trigger. Best to leave those qualities out of your profile and show, don't tell.
Your Interest in Sports
If a woman says how much she loves a sport, a man might be suspicious about whether she is just trying to appeal to how much he loves that sport. If a woman says she loves a specific team or calls out a particular player as her favorite, he tends to be less skeptical.
How Successful You Are
"I think some women want to project high aspirations even if they aren't successful right now," said Eric. Men are guilty of many of these ten things too, but perhaps I'd say men more often inflate their job title or position. We may be suspicious of how successful you say you are because we lied on our own profile about this one!
What You're Looking for Romantically
If you say you're looking for something casual a guy may not take that at face value. Many of us (us being all genders) have had that casual hook-up buddy that after a few months all of a sudden wanted more. Sometimes you may think you want one thing (to be casual) and end up wanting something else (a real relationship). There's nothing wrong with that, unless you're purposefully trying to trick someone. If a guy has had that experience, he's likely to be wary of you stating that you just want to be friends-with-benefits.
At the end of the day, both genders tend to stretch the truth on the items above, but they also tend to be part of the most generic profiles. If you want to stand out from the rest, talk about the things you love to do now, like eat brunch or binge-watch Netflix, so you'll attract someone you're compatible with.
In a perfect world, women would orgasm every. Single. Time. So, what things do guys do that really get women off? Cosmopolitan.com asked 25 twentysomething straight women about the best sex they've ever had.
1. "He pushed me against the door, held me up, and then threw me on a bed.
While doing
it, he held my hands up so I couldn't move and that was amazing!" —Julia, 20
2. "We had sex for 45 minutes straight, took a bathroom break, then kept going
for another
hour…" —Jessica, 21
3. "Anal and vibrator on the clit at the same time." —Emily, 22
4. "Asked me if 'this was OK.' It was one of my first encounters with a guy who
genuinely
asked me if what he was doing felt good and asked me what I liked to do in bed.
This made the experience so much better because we opened up the discussion to
what we both liked."
—Ellie, 20
5. "The guy I'm with now really loves eating me out and it's so amazing especially when I look down and see him between my thighs watching for my reaction and all the bite marks he leaves all over my thighs. It's just the best sex." —Leanne, 24
6. "Told me how good I taste while he was going down on me."
— Callie, 21
7. "Choked me while he was on top, [it was] crazy exhilarating having him take so
muchcontrol." —Molly, 20
8. "Holds my legs up while having sex ... Creates a great angle when he is on top."
—E., 21
9. "It wasn't exactly in bed, it was in the shower, but he lifted me up and
pushed meagains
the wall. Probably some of the best sex I've ever had because he was
spontaneous and
aggressive (in a good way). It was so hot." —Karen, 26
10. "Tied my hands." —Charlotte, 20
11. "I told him to do whatever he wanted to me, so he tied me down and
blindfolded me.
Not knowing what he was going to do me next really kept me on my toes."
—Shelby, 21
12. "I have always been slightly insecure about my naked body but one guy I
was with after
undressing me just stared for a few moments. At first I felt very vulnerable,
then he muttered, 'Wow,
I'm so lucky' ... I've never been more turned on." —Elle, 20
13. "I was just sitting on top of him, straddling him after we made out a little
(we were naked)
and he didn't say anything. He just pulled my vagina up to his face and started
eating me out
mid-conversation. It was awesome." —Katherine, 25
14. "When my boyfriend starts kissing my back, moving toward my neck at
the same
time as he swirls his fingers around my nipples. I get the best tingles in the
world from that."
—Emme, 23
15. "Lifted me up. Put those muscles to work." —Lindsay, 21
16. "Asked for consent." —Lani, 20
17. "Pulled my hair." —Sophie, 23
18. "Surprised me with a We-Vibe and let me take control. There is nothing
sexier than
a man who has enough self-confidence to bring an extra toy into the bedroom
just for my
pleasure (and his)." —Jasmine, 24
19. "After eating me out, my ex would come up to stick his fingers in my
mouth before
kissing me ... drove me absolutely nuts." —Leslie, 22
20. "One time, a guy and I looked up the most ridiculous sex positions and,
without actually
having sex, tried to do every single one. Hands down the most fun I've ever
had in bed."
—Amy, 20
21. "We orgasmed at the same time. It was unreal." —Kaya, 23
22. "Kissed me slowly all over my body." —Andie, 22
23. "Made it all about me. Too many times guys make it about them."
—Brooke, 20
24. "A guy once slipped a finger into my butt while going down on me.
It was other-worldly." —Hannah, 23
25. "Gave me a rim job while fingering me from behind." —Lexie, 21
